Only happy when it rains
I feel like I am reaching out so hard for the anattainable that I am stretched. Overstretched is more like it.
I can not concentrate at the moment. I keep drifting off to my daydreams...
Melancholy continously engulfs me. But I have no idea why. It is like I have everything, but I am not happy. The reason for my continous drive perhaps? Constant striving for perfection.
Or in Goethes words: der Mensch, der irrt solang er strebt. Or something in that manner. That is what I feel like. I am swimming against the tide, against all logic. Reaching out for the impossible, wishing dreaming hoping for it. Of course also working for it. But at the end of the day: Is it worth it?
Yes yes and yes. Whichother reason would I have for being here?
Sometimes I feel like I am only happy when it rains to put it in Garbages words. I need the downs to appreciate the ups. These constants do nothing to motivate me.
Do I need self destruction for purification? What is wrong with me, that I can never be happy with what I have? Only momentary. Of course, happiness never is for ever. It always has to end. Otherwise we keep still.
Is unhappiness the only motivation we have to change this world, or even just our own? Do we only think in negatives?
I really don't know. But right now I am lost in my own laziness and contentness. How pathetic is that? I wish for some drama, some action, a fight. I have too much emotional energy to be so bloody content.
My closing words:
I'm only happy when it rains. But still I yearn for the sunshine. Maybe I do not need the pain or the sadness, but I need to yearn for the better. And that is so much easier when one is miserable...
